i can’t get dressed up.

I got some amazing new shoes. They’re open toed, comfy, 4 inch heel, black, and looks almost like a bootie but isn’t. Perfect. The husband and I were going out for dinner and I put them on with a cute top and was like-I can’t wear these. I just didn’t feel dressed up enough without the makeup. So I put my flats on and still-I had a great time but it got me thinking-why can’t I feel dressed up?

I don’t feel lack of confidence without my makeup which is a sort of a surprise. The first few days I felt judged and my face really did look…washed out. Truly the makeup was for everyone else because I am still…me. But when I want to look nice and dressy-I just can’t get there without the lipsticks and the eye liner. I had a dream last night that I accidentally cheated and wore eyeliner which got me thinking-am I cheating somehow? My face seems to be healthier looking than normal and almost dewy. I haven’t changed my regime with skin care but I do use some wicked awesome products (Lush-LOVE their exfoliater Angels on Bare Skin, the moisturizer Skin’s Shangri La, and the mask Oatifix. Given all those products are for sensitive and dry skin but they are AMAZING so check em out if you haven’t.) So I quickly realized I wasn’t secretly cheating myself. So what was I cheating? Was it womanhood?

I’ve been watching Kardashians (judge away) and man-you can’t watch that show without noticing some serious makeup. I found myself starting to want to play around in my own collection of hues. But then something funny happened, as I was binging eating girl scout cookies and watching an entire season on Sunday, all the girls went on a vacation. I realized how must PRETTIER they looked without the makeup on. When they were all done up sure it was pretty for a little while, but really while you’re sitting beach side??

I think I felt cheated because I couldn’t be all dressed up and look pretty for one night. It made me feel…ordinary. I like to wear makeup to help me look extraordinary sometimes. So the big question-do I miss it? I don’t miss washing it off. I don’t miss putting it on-I’m getting much more time with my husband and my dog in the morning now that I don’t have to put it on. I feel less stressed before bed. So I don’t really know. I know I’ll go back to makeup but for right now-standing in the present is pretty awesome.

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