Being ok with quiet.

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I haven’t posted since my husband and I have found out we are expecting a baby boy! I’m 8 1/2 months along and couldn’t be more humbled in this amazing experience that I have seen my body mold into. There’s been at least 1 million times where I saw something change or experienced something and thought to myself-huh I didn’t know that would do that! I feel like I’m a passenger in my own body which is NEVER something I’ve experienced before. I got into fitness because I tried to carry my groceries up my stairs and I struggled-legit single girl problems-and so I made a change. I got into yoga because I was stressed out so I solved that. But now, my body changes and I have NOTHING to do with it-it’s such an amazing experience! It’s just breath taking┬áto see my body decide for my baby what HE needs and how it isn’t about me anymore. I’ve never been more proud of my body to see what it can do. For a while, I attributed it to my controllable variables of healthy eating and lifestyle but I realized there are things that even I don’t have control over.

I’ve found myself in moderate bed rest which at first, was super scary for someone like me who is always go, go, go and then go some more. If I had a few hours of available time, it would be filled with tasks, dinners, or anything I could possibly do to fill the time to be productive. I showed up to my last acupuncture appointment, which I can’t advocate enough for whether pregnant or not, and found out that my yin was deficient. So if you’re like me, you’re like um, ok, what’s that mean? It means that my woman hood part of my Qi is deficient. I’m pregnant and in my woman glory so how in the world is that off?! After I got some more knowledge on the topic-I realized I wasn’t accepting the surrendering part of my woman journey. I kept trying to keep the control of what my body was doing. I kept my long hours at school, picking up side tasks there, kept up my yoga practice, walked in the evenings, and didn’t really slow down because Stevie doesn’t slow down-she keeps going. My acupuncturist told me this part of pregnancy is all about allowing others to do for you and relax. I just laughed because Kevin had just gotten frustrated with me because I kept doing things around the house in front of him and he wanted to do for me since I was after all making a baby. It wasn’t pride-it was that I literally had no idea how to sit back and just let someone do something for me without feeling lazy and I live for doing things for others. I am in my happiest of times when I’m doing for others-hence why I became a teacher, I needed to give on a daily basis in order for myself to feel fulfilled. So to sit back and allow someone to do something for me is just so…foreign and uncomfortable. However, I have found myself slowing down now, because well a doctor said I had to, and I just couldn’t stop smiling about it because God has a funny way to humble me in my life when I need it the most. It’s good to be proven you are human and to let go of control. I’m about to be a mom in a month and I feel like now is a good time to realize this reality and to be calm in the quiet and humility of life. As much as I try to plan for this little guy to come into my world, it’s not my time. It’s going to be all about his time and to be able to give my life to someone on a daily is going to make me more happy than I even know. ­čÖé

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