are we there yet?


It was a beautiful service this Palm Sunday. There’s this member at our church that has memorized the passion and does a beautiful read every year on this particular day. He gets so passionate while he enacts the reading. His demeanor and emphasis on the reading is just….well it brings tears to my eyes every year. Hearing him yell, while staring at the crucifix, yelling, “Crucify him!” following what the sculpture reads, is just bone chilling. It got me to thinking-what I do in my life that brings me to cringe like that?

I’m such a perfectionist. My house is always clean, lesson plans always perfected, the week is planned out, the world makes sense as I make it. If something unexpected comes up, I’ll roll with it but if I make a mistake, oh like dropping my phone into some water or forgetting to claim certain amounts on my taxes, I take it to heart. It creates this unsettling feeling within myself that I could make a mistake. And it occurred to me-I’m human of course I’m going to make mistakes. Hearing the part of the reading where Jesus asked, “God why have you forsaken me?” lead me to realize that even the most of perfect human being can be lead astray.

I tend to lose sight of what’s important because  I’m so consumed with the “should haves” in life. Carrie Bradshaw coined this beautifully by saying “Why are we shoulding all over ourselves?” When can we just be happy in the skin we’re in or the situation we’re in? It’s ALWAYS got to be better or could be better. The grass is always greener on the other side. There  are so many catch phrases to this philosophy, and I hate it. We’re only given a certain amount of time here. No use in “burning the day away” on the missed opportunities but carpe diem!!

The only time it’s easy to not hold expectations and not hold judgements, is either on my mat or while traveling. When I’m on my mat I have enjoyed falling, I smile at myself after and accept the imperfections. Actually, I cannot tell you the last time I had a perfect practice from start to finish. I need to bring that concept off my mat and into my present for sure. Now onto travel, Kevin and I were just talking about what it was like the day we got married. That day held such a peace about it. There were no stressful situations, nowhere to really be, I just knew I had to start getting ready by 3 so I could be ready to walk by 5:00. My biggest concern was that I forgot to eat so I beasted a pizza in my wedding dress like 15 minutes before the “I do’s”. Why can’t everyday be my wedding day? 😉

So onto this whole “no makeup” journey-I’m ready for it to be over. I’ve looked around at church the past few Sundays and been like, “Man all these symbols of deserts…I totally get it now!” I don’t think I’ve ever chosen a sacrifice quite like this one before. I was quite amazed at how his journey effected others around me. I got some letters, some people started going without makeup more often, and many face-to-face praises about how brave I was. Shocking that this effort, that took no effort at all and saved a ton of time, could have such a lasting effect on not only myself but others.

It’s been such a looooong journey these last two weeks. I look forward to hiding the fact I’m not in a good mood. I look forward to hiding the fact I didn’t get much sleep the night before. I look forward to hiding….because not hiding, now that’s exhausting.  I’m ready for Easter and ready to celebrate the luxury of life with makeup once again. To play in the hues, bronzers, liquid liners, mascara, and concealer! Nice little highlighted areas and pink cheeks again. I’m totally a girl when it comes to those things.

So the next week will be the last leg of this journey. I’m curious as to how I’ll feel when I can glam back up and how often I’ll go without….perhaps the grass will be greener on the other side when I didn’t have to….

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